The Runaways
by Ultrawoman
Summary: Rory can't face home after sleeping with Dean, fighting with Lorelai, and touring Europe with her grandma. Running away suddenly looks very appealing, and she's headed towards the one person who always seems to understand her, even when Rory doesn't understand herself. Literati.
1. Prologue

**A/N: You would think I would concentrate on just writing the one Literati fic at a time, but no, this idea was in my head and it won't leave me alone so, yeah, new fic! If you like it (so far), please let me know with a review :)**

_**Disclamer: All recognisable characters belong to Amy Sherman-Palladino and other folks that aren't me.**_

Prologue

It was a cowardly thing to do, sneaking off, no real explanation, but Rory couldn't find a way to explain herself face to face, not to her mother, after everything. Of all the things she had done, this was maybe the dumbest. Okay, so maybe the second dumbest, after sleeping with a married man.

All these years, the people of Stars Hollow made such a big deal out of how smart Rory Gilmore was. She believed what they said, she knew it was true. Only smart girls got into Harvard,Yale, and Princeton. Those type of colleges didn't offer places to anyone without a first rate education, a keen mind. Yes, Rory was smart, when it came to books and leaning. Unfortunately, in other areas of her life, she just wasn't that bright.

Boys were confusing. Love was impossible, at least these were the conclusions Rory had come to over the past few years. One boyfriend and then another, then back to the first. It wouldn't be so bad really, if that first boyfriend wasn't married to another woman by now. If Rory hadn't realised too late that maybe it was her other boyfriend she should have tried harder with.

Rory felt like she had been pinning all her hopes on Dean Forester for the longest time. That had been fine in the beginning, when everything was new and special and happy. First love, first date, the only thing they hadn't gotten to was that first time that teens went in for. Jess had changed everything.

From day one, there had been a spark, a connection. For the longest time, Rory hadn't wanted to admit that she had a thing for the bad boy. It was so cliché and it was just a base attraction - it was Dean she loved. She might have been able to convince herself if the connection between her and Jess Mariano hadn't grown day by day and proved to be so much more than just forbidden fruit or the thrill of the chase and banter.

It just felt strange to be with someone else. It wasn't that Rory didn't care for Jess, or that he didn't care of her. She just always felt like everyone else was thinking she made a mistake. Jess wasn't like Dean. That was kind of the point, in a way, but Rory knew there were certain aspects of Dean that she missed when dating Jess. He wasn't as eager to please, especially once he 'won' her away from her first boyfriend. He did care though, she just knew, even if neither of them really said so, not until it was too late.

Rory couldn't blame Jess for what happened with Dean. Not back then with the break up and the boyfriend swapping, no, Rory was thinking much more recent than that. When Jess returned to Stars Hollow and told her he loved her only to disappear a second time. His last appearance had resulted in him practically begging her to run away with him. Rory said no, so many times she felt she was going crazy, but she had to do it. If she had tried to explain, talk it through, make sense of both his request and her answer, she knew something stupid would happen, something beautiful and stupid that would have meant she lost her virginity to a different guy entirely.

Sometimes Lorelai said her daughter was still a child, and it made Rory roll her eyes. She was nineteen for God's sake and entirely grown up, at least she had thought so until the last couple of weeks. Actually, she could pinpoint the moment when she realised quite how childish she really was, the moment on the front porch steps when she called Dean's cell and Lindsey picked up. Rory thought of that moment and closed her eyes tight, forcing back angry frustrated tears. She was such a fool, convincing herself that Dean just needed to be her first time, that everything would work out okay if she could just go back to how it used to be. She was so naive, and so wrong. A married man! There was no way Rory of a couple of years ago would ever be so stupid. All her talk about growing up and being an adult now, and she'd done something more stupid and insane than anything else she managed when she was a kid.

Going to Europe with her grandma, that made sense to Rory. She just had to get away, from her Mom, from Dean, from Stars Hollow. Running from people and tough situations was a cowards way, and yet it had seemed like the right thing at the time. Rory had time to think, to gain a little perspective, a few short weeks of seeing the sights in Europe, and she had finally admitted to herself what she should have known from the start. Now she understood her own actions, what she had done, sleeping with Dean, running away. It was all some stupid, desperate attempt to put things right, to make it okay, how it used it be. She had tried to step back into a happy past instead of taking a risk on the future, and now she knew for sure what she needed to do.

It took plenty of time, right up to the moment when she got back to her house with the note in her hand that she had written secretly on the plane. She wasn't sure she was definitely going to use it until she was laying it on the kitchen tale and running for the door.

Now here she was, just a few hours later, on a doorstep she had never seen before. Maybe this was a crazy idea, maybe another of those dumb decisions she seemed to be making left and right lately. There was no way to know for sure until she knocked on the door. Rory considered it, thought about her opening line, any way to explain her presence here, or explain her behaviour in a way he might understand. She thought, she waited, she turned considered walking away a total of three times until suddenly she heard movement beyond the door, yelling from a voice she knew.

"I told you, I'm not..." he began, but stopped abruptly when he came to face to face with the last person he had been expecting. "Rory?"

"I... I'm so sorry," she told him, already crying before she even got all the words out.

Jess really had no choice about it, suddenly his arms were full of Rory Gilmore, sobbing into his shoulder.

"What the hell...?"

_To Be Continued..._


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: Yay! People are actually wanting to read this! That makes me very happy - thank you to all those who reviewed. Please do review again if you like this, the first 'proper' chapter :)**

_**(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)**_

Chapter 1

Jess woke up with a crick in his neck that he hoped he'd felt the last of a couple of weeks ago - no such luck. He never thought about needing a real bed until he spent an awful lot of time sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Making do was all well and good, but a person needed a decent night's sleep, especially when they worked as much as he did.

Contrary to what the general populous of Stars Hollow thought of him, Jess could be responsible. Since leaving that place, he'd had to be. Saving money wasn't easy when you lived in New York. Even apartments in the rougher parts of town cost plenty more than Jess had saved from his days at Luke's and at Walmart. His last two trips to Stars Hollow had ended with a wad of cash hidden in his car from Luke. Then there was the pity cash Jimmy had sent on Christmas and his birthday. Added to the pay checks he got from working three jobs, Jess got by okay and managed to put a little cash aside. This new apartment had been home for a couple of weeks now, all one room of it, with a shared bathroom down the hall. His savings had to go towards some of the bigger items he could use next. First came a small second-hand refrigerator that actually functioned, then came a bed. He had got to sleep in said bed for all of three nights before Rory came knocking at his door. Every night since he had been back on the floor, without even a mattress for comfort's sake, just spare blankets and one lousy pillow.

He couldn't say she wasn't worth the pain, even now as he pulled himself up to rest on his elbows and turned to see her there, lying alone in his bed. She was beautiful and perfect, everything he ever wanted. Might have been better if she was his, Jess thought with a sigh. Sure, Rory had shown up on his doorstep full of apologies and begging to stay a while. He let her, because he had no choice. Jess loved Rory so much, sometimes it hurt just to think about it. Having her here, so near and yet so far, it was killing him by degrees, but he let it happen, because it was Rory and there was no other choice. She hadn't said she loved him, and went so far as to deny that she was really running away with him like he suggested before. Still, she was here, and didn't seem in any hurry to leave.

Rory made an unladylike snorting sound as she woke too suddenly. She sat up fast and looked around at the grotty hole Jess called home, remembering suddenly where she was and why. With a sigh she collapsed back against the pillows with her hands over her face.

"Good morning, sunshine," Jess deadpanned, levering himself up off the floor.

"Morning," she muttered, turning away.

It could be a lack of caffeine, since that was what so often made any given Gilmore grumpy first thing in the morning. Jess had a feeling there was way more to it. It wasn't like Rory to act out, to run from Stars Hollow, her Mom, her friends and family. There ought to be a real good explanation for it, and yet she hadn't given much of one yet. Jess never pushed, he didn't think he had a right too exactly. Rory was determined to pay her way and gave him money for the food she ate and such. He tried to refuse at first, but they both knew he needed room and board from her if she was going to stay, so he had to give up on the whole chivalry thing in that sense. He insisted on her having his bed though, and whenever she clammed up about why she was here, he let it happen.

There were a few questions he made sure he got in early, whilst she was still tearful and spilling her guts. Some people would say that was a dirty trick, praying on a vulnerable girl, but Jess needed to know what he was dealing with here. He had to know that Rory wasn't in any real danger, that she hadn't been physically harmed or threatened, that she wasn't in trouble with the law or similar. None of it was likely, but then Rory running from all she knew and loved was just as crazy a concept. The explanation she gave when he finally got her to stop crying was one Jess didn't entirely enjoy...

"_I'm sorry," Rory repeated for maybe the twelfth time in as many minutes._

"_Don't be sorry; be Rory," Jess urged her, pulling her hands away from her face._

_She was sat on the end of his bed, the only place other than the floor to be sat really. He was crouched in front of her, scared out of his mind that something very, very bad was happening here._

"_Seriously, Rory, you gotta tell me what's wrong," he said, gripping her hands in his own. "Point me at a person to punch, you know I'll do it."_

_A gurgle akin to a small laugh burst through her veil of tears. Jess wanted to take that as a good sign, and yet Rory was still worrying him. This wasn't like her at all. Not many people had the ability to freak him out, but she was doing it right now, whether she meant to or not._

"_It's fine, I'm fine," she told him._

"_Huh," he replied, clearly not convinced. "The appearing on my door step with the tears running down your face says different."_

"_Yeah," Rory sniffled then. "I've just... I made so many mistakes, Jess. That day when you came to my dorm, I got so freaked out. You just, you came back all out of the blue, and after everything, you still wanted me. I could've so easily just... I could've..."_

_Her voice went away when she looked up and realised how close their faces were. Jess' dark eyes were gazing into hers and Rory forgot how to breathe for a while. When the air came back to her lungs, so her words returned to her as well._

"_I missed you so much," she admitted out of nowhere._

_Jess couldn't help the smile that curved his lips, though he said nothing._

"_Every time you've left town, I missed you, and I knew I would again when I said no and wouldn't run away like you wanted, but I just couldn't," she shook her head sadly, looking down then at their joined hands. "I thought I was wrong to even consider being with you after everything. I just kept telling myself I was better off before you came along, but I wasn't, Jess. I was so stupid. So, so stupid!"_

"_Hey, you're not stupid," he argued when she pulled one of her hands free and smacked herself in the side of the head with it._

"_But I am!" she countered, even as he moved to sit beside her, ready to be sympathetic and helpful. "I'm so stupid, I slept with Dean! My ex boyfriend! A married man! What the hell was I thinking?!"_

"Is that for me?" asked Rory, her question cutting through Jess' memories.

She was sat up in his bed with the covers pulled up around her, watching him stand there like an idiot holding two mugs of steaming coffee. Without a word he handed her the nearest one and then moved towards the door with his own drink still in his hand. Rory watched him go and sighed. He would only be going to the bathroom, since he wasn't exactly dressed for anything else, but she wished he had stayed and talked to her.

Maybe Jess was acting weird but Rory couldn't really blame him for that. She kind of sprung herself on him here and after their initial serious talk about why she'd come and what had happened, including her apology for how she reacted at their last serious talk, they hadn't really said anything real or useful to each other. He let her stay, and Rory couldn't be more grateful about that, but they weren't together, that wasn't what this was. Whether she had come here for a reunion of that kind, even Rory wasn't sure right now. For the moment, it was nice to be close, to talk about books and movies, flirt a little even, like the old days before they dated. Still, it wasn't entirely comfortable, and never could be.

Much like with Dean, there was no going back with Jess, only forward. Right now, Rory was too afraid to start any kind of conversation in that area with him. Somehow it didn't seem fair. It was nice to just be friends like this, and she wondered if she and Jess were better off this way, but seeing all the best traits of his character, getting to know him all over again as she had these past few days, it just reminded her why she loved him, how much she missed him. Plus on a simple base level, watching him undress for bed made her blush like crazy. He never looked when she changed at night, very deliberately keeping his back turned or even leaving the room entirely. Even now she realised he had returned from the bathroom and gone straight over to the window, not glancing at her for a second. Rory realised the sheet had moved and rather a lot of skin was showing - maybe he was as tempted as she felt sometimes.

Across the room, Jess trained his eyes on the skyline and kept them there. He heard Rory shift in the bed, and pictured her in his mind without ever turning. It was torture having her here like this, especially in her half-naked moments, her vulnerable moments. It was too late for that now, for them being any more than friends, at least that's what he told himself. He couldn't have Rory now, and that worthless idiot Forester had her first.

Jess was pretty sure a knife went into his gut right around the time when Dean's name got mentioned. The fact he and Rory had sex, that hurt a lot more than it probably should. She didn't exactly keep Jess at arms length the whole time they were dating. they got plenty close but never went 'all the way' like that. She was never ready, and he respected that, virginal as she was. It always helped somehow knowing that Dean hadn't had his way with her either. Now Jess knew that was exactly what happened, and it made him want to throw up.

There were a bunch of questions he wanted to ask. Chief among them if the farmer boy had forced her. Jess already knew the answer was no, that wasn't Dean's style, and Rory had to be just as guilty of some misguided attempt to recapture past happiness when the present and future weren't looking to sunny. That was one thing the two of them never did have in common. Jess was always looking forward, to where he was headed. His route there wasn't always well planned, and even less well executed, but he never had a yen to go backwards... at least not until Stars Hollow, and her, and a slim chance that they could start over. He had gone back for her, finally in a position to be what she needed, and Rory had shut him down. Jess actually thought that was it, that he'd never see her again, and vowed not to try for both their sakes. Suddenly she was here on his doorstep, crying like her heart was breaking, and all bets were off, the clock reset, new rules in play. If only he understood exactly what those rules were, they'd be fine. Undefined was the word right now, even after they talked through what happened and what came next.

"_Why did you come here?" he asked seriously, trying to meet her eyes. "I mean of all the places to run, Rory, and you gotta have plenty..."_

"_I don't," she shook her head sadly. "And even if I did, I... I need you, Jess," she told him, just wishing he would get it. "You're the one person who always understood me, sometimes even better than I understood myself."_

_Jess was flattered at the idea of what she was saying and he couldn't really argue either. He was the one who questioned her about all she didn't have in common with Dean when they first met. Rory was into deep books, classic music, cult movies. Dean didn't know that stuff, most people in Stars Hollow didn't, but to say he was the only person who really got her, Jess wasn't sure he could earn that title so completely in Rory's eyes._

"_I was pretty sure your Mom knew you best of anyone," he said, looking down at the floor because it was easier than keeping his gaze on her tear-stained face - she broke his heart sometimes._

"_She does... she did," Rory faltered, shuffling her feet and wringing her hands. "I don't always know how to tell her stuff lately, how to explain. With you I never have to. Even if you don't like what I am or what I do, you just... you seem to get it, get me," she tried again to explain and knew she failed badly._

"_Yeah," Jess nodded once, his hand finding hers and holding on. "Well, maybe that's 'cause you were the only one who really cared to even try and understand me," he shrugged._

_They both looked up at the same time. One of the ridiculous cliché moments where there's a spark, a frisson, whatever you wanted to call it, they sure felt it then._

"_Can I...? Would it be okay if I stayed here a while?" she asked, holding his gaze a moment before glancing down at his hand holding hers. "I just need somewhere to be, to think and figure out where I go from here..."_

Jess didn't think for a moment she was trying to play him with her wide eyes and shy smiles. Rory was what she was, no games or pretensions. She really did just want to crash here, at a friend's place for all intents and purposes. He agreed, God only knew why, but he did, and here she was for the fourth day running waking up in his bed... half-naked and beautiful... He almost jumped out of his skin when he realised she wasn't there anymore but right behind him, dressed in her jeans and a T-shirt, holding her coffee mug in both hands and taking a long sip.

"So, what are you doing today?" she asked, looking out at the same view he was.

"Working," said Jess shortly, drinking down the rest of his own coffee.

"It's Saturday," she noted with a frown.

"So it is," he nodded once, before turning to walk away again. "I'm still working."

It was like she did something to upset him, but Rory wasn't quite sure what it was. He hadn't been right since she got here, and that could only be because of the way she just descended into his life again without warning. At some point she needed to figure out where she went from here, if she went anywhere at all. In the meantime, she couldn't stand him being all mad at her.

"Jess?" she called to him.

"What?" he answered without turning around, just stayed by the door with his back to her, concentrating on fastening his watch on his wrist.

"Thank you," said Rory, at last encouraging him to look at her, "for everything," she clarified, shifting her feet as if she were the most awkward person in the world.

"You don't have to keep saying that," Jess told her, pushing his hair back off his face, feeling like they were stuck in some kind of circular conversation these past couple of days - it was torture.

"I know," she nodded, "but... thanks anyway," she repeated.

Jess acknowledged that he heard her but didn't really say anything else, except to mutter that he'd be home before dark. Then he was gone, the door thudding shut in his wake. Rory looked around the small room of an apartment that suddenly seemed to increase in size tenfold now she was alone, just like it had yesterday and the day before. _Alone_. She cried.

_To Be Continued..._


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: I have readers! Lots of lovely readers AND reviewers! Thank you so much, lovely people. Now, did you really think I was going to waste too much time before the good stuff happened? ;)**

_**(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)**_

Chapter 2

Jess had just got done with a very long day of working, but for once since getting his new place he wasn't exactly thrilled at the prospect of getting home. Not so long ago, the idea of coming back to an apartment of his own and finding Rory there waiting, that would have been Jess' idea of heaven. How things changed. Of course, his feelings hadn't altered at all, he loved Rory as much now as he ever had. The problem was what she was feeling, and he doubted at this point if even she knew for sure.

Sleeping with Dean. Of all the God forsaken things his Rory could've done, sleeping with that stupid, farmer type, _married_ idiot! He wasn't good enough for her, and though Jess knew he wasn't exactly Mr Reliable back in the day either, he could be what she needed now. He loved Rory and he could be everything she ever wanted, if she just gave him the chance. Now she was here, and it seemed as if he was finally going to get his chance, except she hadn't run into his arms for love and a future together. No, Rory was here because she had nowhere else to go, because she was on the run from the life she knew. Jess couldn't help but wonder if she really came looking for him so much as she just had to escape somewhere and he was an easy choice. He wouldn't turn her away or give up her location to anyone who came looking. Jess didn't want to be wanted for his ability to lie and deceive. He wanted Rory to love him like he loved her, like she had once upon a time in Stars Hollow.

Shaking his head as he trudged up the last flight of stairs, Jess knew he was fast coming up on his own front door, and the young woman in question who was hidden behind it. After a shift at the nearest Walmart, running all over Manhatten with messages right after, and heading across town to pick up a late paycheck for some ad-hoc bar work last weekend, Jess was exhausted. Working three jobs would kill him if he wasn't built to be as resilient as his childhood had made him. All he wanted now was food and sleep. What he was going to get was awkward conversation and a crappy night on a solid floor, with a beautiful woman in his bed that wasn't his to have anymore. Yeah, he was really looking forward to this.

Taking a deep breath, Jess shoved his key into the front door and then swung it open. He was stunned to realise that the place was mostly in darkness save for his one lamp shining in the centre of the floor. The bed had been shoved over some, and what looked like a picnic set-up was in the floor space that was left. The only two plates he owned, some mismatched cutlery, and half a large size bottle of soda was set out, and the second Jess came in the door, Rory dashed towards the stove like a woman possessed.

"What's going on?" he asked, glancing between the floor and Rory, his key still in the open door, and his hand still on it.

"I'm cooking dinner," she said quickly, concentrating hard as she lit the oven and waited for it to get warm.

Jess was frowning so hard he felt the pressure of doing so and made a conscious effort to stop. He realised he hadn't moved out of the door way and quickly removed his key, closing said door at last.

"You don't cook," he said pointlessly, since they both already knew that.

Sure, he had been gone from Stars Hollow a while now, but he couldn't imagine Rory had bothered to learn to cook food for herself. She had Lorelai as her main influence and that woman could burn water. The Gilmore Girls relied completely on the kindness of others for their food, be it Sookie, Luke, or Al's Pancake World when they were feeling brave. They just didn't cook.

"I, er... I got it from your neighbour," Rory admitted, tucking her hair behind her ear and barely looking at Jess as she continued to remove the foil from a large dish on the counter. "I was just going to the bathroom, and this woman appeared with this huge dish of lasagne. She saw me coming out of the apartment, so she knew I was staying with you."

"Mrs Rossini misses nothing," Jess rolled his eyes, though he was smiling all the same as he wandered over, peering over Rory's shoulder at the lasagne. "She's also one of the greatest Italian cooks I ever met in my whole life," he said, taking a deep breath of the good-smelling food.

"From what I've seen so far, you're right," Rory smiled, looking back at him, marvelling a moment at the closeness.

They hadn't gotten this close since the night she arrived and pretty much threw herself into Jess' arms. The past three days, he seemed to be deliberately keeping her at arms length. Rory supposed she could understand that. He didn't know what she wanted, and maybe he just didn't want her anymore. After all, she had shut him down so completely that night at Yale when he asked her to leave with him, and then she went ahead and slept with Dean. The fact Jess was even letting her stay here was a miracle. Maybe friends is all they could ever be now.

"Um, she's a really nice lady," she said awkwardly then, anything to break the odd tension that seemed to have settled in. "Like somebody else's grandma."

"Mrs Rossini never had kids," Jess explained, moving away when he too realised how close he had been to Rory.

He leaned back against the wall near the stove, watching her open up the oven door and carefully shove the lasagne inside.

"She had this big love story with a guy, proper true romance stuff, only real," he said with a hint of a smile that he just couldn't help. "They got married, but he was in the army. Pearl Harbour."

The two words were enough to make Rory shudder. She just knew from the way Jess said it and the way he looked at her right now that Mr Rossini died in that place. She felt a little sick, and yet she wanted to hear the rest of what Jess had to tell her about the kind old lady she met this afternoon.

"No kids, no grandkids. Once her parents were gone, Mrs Rossini was pretty much alone in the world," he explained. "She was a teacher for a while, and a governess, plus a cook. All kinds of jobs, all over the place. She has just enough money to get by, and she cares about everybody else a whole lot more than she cares about herself," he sighed. "Apparently I remind her of her husband," he smirked then. "Good looking Italian stock, y'know?"

Rory giggled at that, mostly because she felt stupidly nervous right now. Here she was cooking dinner, or at least warming it up, for her man that had come home from work. Sure, he wasn't her man exactly, not right now, not anymore, but it was awfully domestic and sweet. Besides, hearing that the old lady downstairs had a crush on Jess was a little funny, even if she shared said crush somehow, even after everything.

"Does she cook for you a lot?" asked Rory, maybe just to take the attention of any other topic. "From what she said, it seemed that way."

"Sometimes," Jess shrugged easily. "I don't like her spending all her pension money on feeding me, so once in a while a few bucks end up in her mail box. You can't tell her that though, if she knew it was me, she'd never take it."

"Who does she think it is?" asked Rory, all curiosity as ever.

"Guardian angel," said Jess as if it were nothing.

He pushed off the wall and muttered something about washing up for dinner. A few minutes later he was back and immediately moved to grab a towel he could use to get the lasagne out of the oven. Rory moved aside to let him do so, still marvelling at the concept of Jess as an angel of any kind. Most of Stars Hollow would be more likely to label him the devil than a heavenly creature, but Rory always knew how sweet he could be, how helpful and kind.

Rory's mind was soon back on the task at hand when the lasagne emerged, hot and bubbling from the oven. She was hungry, and hadn't really noticed until her stomach made an effort to rumble. Thankfully she was pretty sure Jess hadn't heard. She served the food onto their plates, and both sat down lotus style on the floor to eat. Conversation dried up, not just because they were eating but because talking was just awkward most of the time. When they got onto books or movies, even music, it was fine, but somehow every topic seemed to segue too easily into the past, memories of sweet kisses, well-chosen gifts, and promises that had been too easily broken years ago when they were just kids. Most people would say they were still that now, but it wasn't true. Rory and Jess had both grown up so much in the past couple of years, more than they ever thought they could or needed to. Still, somehow right now it felt good to be here, in a comfortable silence for a change as they ate good food by the mellow light.

"This is nice," Rory blurted out the moment she had swallowed a mouthful of delicious pasta.

"I told you Mrs Rossini is a good cook," Jess reminded her, shoving another forkful of lasagne into his mouth without looking up.

"Yeah, but I didn't mean the food... or not just the food."

"Huh."

So much for conversation, Rory's confession seemed to have struck the both of them dumb the very next second. They continued to eat in silence until both their plates were almost cleared. There was the option for second helpings, but that meant moving, getting up out of this almost intimate situation they seemed to have gotten into without hardly trying. Jess felt as if he were stuck to the floor at first, but when Rory spoke again he started getting that old familiar urge to run.

"Did you mean it?" she asked, eyes to the floor at first and then coming up to meet his when she clarified what she meant. "When you said you love me?"

"Geez, Rory!" he groaned, dropping his fork down onto the plate with a clatter. "You think I'd say it if I didn't?" he asked, clearly affronted by the question.

Rory looked as guilty as she obviously felt. She hadn't meant to be so stupid. All the effort it took, all the time, there was no way that Jess would have said he loved her if he didn't. Maybe she was just fishing for him to repeat it somehow. Even Rory wasn't sure.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, putting her own fork down.

She rubbed her hands together as if dusting something off. There was nothing there, it was just something to do with her hands right now.

"I'm sorry too," admitted Jess then. "Telling you that and bolting? Not my finest hour," he shook his head sadly.

"Agreed," Rory nodded once, making herself meet his eyes again when she felt his gaze on her. "But I get it now. You couldn't deal. It was a big step for us, for you," she explained the facts as she saw them and was glad when he agreed.

"Biggest. Ever," he nodded definitely. "Well, at least up until I asked you to leave Stars Hollow with me."

The tension was back, the air in the room suddenly so thick, Rory couldn't breathe. Finding her voice to speak was tough enough. Knowing what to say when she did was even harder.

_The verbal thing, it comes and goes_.

Jess' voice was so clear in her head, she almost thought he had spoken just now, but it was only a memory of a day long ago, before they were even dating. She would smile or even laugh about it if things weren't so serious. Jess had asked her to run away with him and she had said no, so definitely in fact that she was pretty sure she broke his heart. Truth be told, she broke her own too.

"All those 'no's and look where I am now," she said aloud, though neither of them were entirely sure the thought was meant to leak out into the open like that.

"I'm lookin'," Jess confirmed, staring at her with that dark, intense gaze of his again. "Why'd you really come here, Rory?"

There was no answer to that, nothing she could think of in this moment that would make any sense. The decision to run away had been rolling around in her head since Barcelona and Paris. Two stops into their Europe trip and she had to tell her grandma she wanted to go home. All that time, she wasn't entirely sure where she would go, though a voice in her head repeated Jess' name over and over until she just couldn't ignore it anymore. He was the one she could safely run to, always. Rory tried to tell him that when she first got here, tried to make him understand, but all words eluded her, all powers of persuasion or explanation just evaporated.

"See, you say you're here 'cause I'm the one that gets you, and that's fine," he said then, as if he read the thoughts clean out of her head. "But what I can't figure is whether you're running toward me, or just away from Dean and your Mom and whatever else is tough in your life right now."

Rory twisted a paper napkin around and around in her hands. She was better than this, smarter than this. She had words enough to say, she was sure she did and yet...

"Do you even know?" Jess prompted her again for an answer, one she clearly either couldn't or wouldn't give.

When she shook her head in the negative, he just couldn't take it. A part of Jess so wanted to walk out right now, slam the door, go get drunk or just get lost in the dark. He wouldn't do it of course, not least because leaving Rory alone like that wasn't an option, not here. In any case, wasn't he the one who told her she could depend on him now? Just because maybe she didn't want as much from him as he'd like to give, Jess would not walk out on her, not again, not after everything. He got as far as standing up and turning away but that was all.

"You're right," said her cracking voice behind him, and Jess closed his eyes at the sound. "I _am_ running from tough choices and bad decisions, but I told you before, there were other places I could've run to. My grandparents, my Dad, friends from Yale even, but I didn't. I chose you," she repeated, appearing at his shoulder, but Jess didn't move at all. "Yes, I chose you because you always understood me, but also for a million other reasons that it would take me all night to explain and even then I'd probably screw it up," she admitted, as the tears started to come. "Mostly, I... I just miss you, Jess," she cried, putting her hand on his shoulder, hoping he would turn around but he didn't yet. "I suddenly realised that I'd been so unfair to you, so... so judgmental, when you never really judged me. Don't get me wrong, you were no saint when we were dating, you made bad calls too, but you always loved me for who I am, and in spite of who I am sometimes," she went on, and that seemed to be enough to get his full attention. "Trying to go back and be with Dean, it just reminded me why we broke up in the first place, why I had to move on with you. I love you, Jess," she said as definitely as she ever said anything.

There was a moment of silence when she feared he was going to turn away again, tell her she was too late maybe. Rory was pretty sure she wasn't breathing, and then suddenly Jess was kissing her and the world fell away.

Somehow she had been waiting for this moment, not just since she got here to this apartment, not even since Jess said he loved her. Rory had an idea in her head that from the second they parted she was waiting for Jess to come back, for their beautiful reunion with exactly this kiss that was making her knees want to buckle in a second.

It felt different, always had with Jess. Not that she was exactly thinking of her ex right now, but Dean could never make her feel this much. She had sex with that man, and she had regretted it. She had no problem with letting Jess take away the awful memory of her first time. Making believe that this was where her virginity would be lost, that was a better plan for Rory. She leaned into Jess embrace and his kiss, not at all worried when they ended up with their legs hitting the end of the bed. They sat down more out of necessity and momentum than design.

His hands in her hair and his lips on hers took everything else away. The state of the apartment, the string of mistakes and fights that had almost torn them completely apart. They were here now, together, as they always should've been. Everything else was a blur, water under the bridge, just didn't matter, at least not tonight.

"Rory," he whispered her name, very deliberately putting her at arms length even when she made a noise of protest and struggled to get close again. "Rory, we can't just..."

"Yes, we can," she told him definitely. "I want to. Don't you?"

Of all the stupid questions in the world, and they both knew it too. When he kissed her again, Jess decided it was time to give in. This was what he had wanted for so long, for Rory to admit she loved him, for them to be together. She just said she wanted this and he didn't doubt her. At least a part of it was probably trying to wipe out the memory of what happened with Dean. She certainly seemed to regret that, and Jess wasn't sorry to know it. Right now he wasn't giving the farmer guy any thought at all. Everything was about Rory, and the fact that he loved her, and she loved him. He laid her down on the bed and she didn't seem to be changing her mind. He gave her every opportunity, but Rory was definite in what she said and as into this moment as Jess was. Right now, it felt nothing short of perfect.

_To Be Continued..._


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: Feedback! Yay, thank you so much, means a lot to me :D**

_**(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)**_

Chapter 3

Rory woke up feeling as warm and comfortable as she ever had in her life. For a split second she thought she was at home in Stars Hollow, in her very own room. As her eyes opened, memories came flooding back like a tidal wide. Instead of that wave knocking her off her feet and drowning her, it rushed over her, all warm and comforting. She was in New York, she had just had the best night of her life, and her pillow was no pillow at all, it was Jess.

There was a smile on her lips as she curled in closer and kissed his chest. They had spent the night making love and then sleeping in each others arms. This was how Rory wanted to spend every night from now on, every day too. As far as she could tell, this was the very best place in the world, just because she was here with the man she loved.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty," he said, moving to kiss her hair.

"Morning," she replied, tipping her head back to look up at him.

Their lips met in a sweet kiss that lit a flame of passion all over again and went on longer than either meant for it to. When they parted, Rory found she still couldn't stop smiling as she stared up at Jess. He was so beautiful, she always thought so, but never more so than now. He was all she ever truly wanted in a guy, and it seemed wrong to think how much time it had taken for her to admit it, how long they had spent wasting their time apart from each other.

"You okay?" he checked then, seeing her smile begin to fade into a frown.

Whether he was asking purely about her mood shift or checking she wasn't in any pain or whatever after their night's activities, Rory couldn't be sure. Either way, she loved that he asked.

"Yes, I'm okay," she promised. "Better than okay."

"Oh, yeah?" he checked, trying not to smirk.

Women rarely liked guys who were too cocky about anything, especially their sexual prowess. Besides, he doubted Rory's happiness was all about what they'd done last night. Sex was only half of this, maybe not even that much. The biggest deal was her confession, telling him she loved him. It was all Jess ever wanted to hear and though he had a feeling he was turning into a girl just thinking it, last night had been pretty much perfect, almost as perfect as waking up like this with Rory in his arms.

"This is how it's supposed to be," she said then, laying her head back on his chest and revelling at the feeling of his arms around her. "You and me... it's how it was always supposed to happen."

She was mumbling by the end of her sentence, a tinge of sadness to her voice and Jess could guess why. This wasn't her first time, it certainly wasn't Jess' either, but with girls it was different, he knew that. Rory let Dean into her bed in some misguided attempt at rekindling the past. She gave away something that was precious to a woman, to a man so unworthy that Jess could hardly stand it. Last night he had hoped to wipe out that memory for Rory. Maybe he hadn't done it as completely as he thought, since it was likely nothing ever really could.

Rory wished she hadn't said anything now. The last person she wanted to think about in this moment was Dean Forester. The truth was, the comparison wasn't fair anyway. What she had shared with him was a childish make believe moment, an awkward fumble that she longed to forget. What happened here in this bed with Jess was real and passionate and beautiful. It was love, pure and simple.

"I think I could stay here forever," she said after a while. "Is forever good for you?" she asked, tipping her head back again to meet Jess' eyes.

He smiled that rare smile that she had missed so much and leaned down to kiss her lips.

"Forever works," he assured her, not even caring how dumb and fairytale the concept was.

Right now, he wanted to believe it could be this good and this simple for as long as they lived. Just for a little while, it was a nice dream to share.

* * *

She'd been sat at the counter for a half an hour, and Luke hadn't seen her even touch her coffee yet. This just wasn't normal, not at all. The day she found the note saying Rory was gone and not saying where, Lorelai went a little crazy. She was always crazy, but before it had been the cute, endearing kind, if such a thing existed. Now it was just scary how lost she seemed without her daughter.

They'd looked everywhere, called everyone. Rory hadn't talked to her grandparents, not since she insisted Emily bring her home early from their Europe trip. Christopher had no clue what was happening. Lane was oblivious too. Lorelai had tried everyone from Rory's school-mate Paris to her ex-boyfriend Dean. Nobody knew anything, simply not a thing.

Luke felt bad for being put out that his almost-dating situation with Lorelai had fallen flat because of Rory running away. They had been okay, they had been close to something, and then this happened and it threw everybody for a loop, most especially Lorelai. There was no room in her head for anything but the inn and Rory, and not necessarily in that order. She had to care about the business she and Sookie were just now getting off the ground, but that was all. It was work, or looking for Rory, wishing she'd call, worrying about what had happened to her. Luke hated that he couldn't help more. The police were no help, since Rory was legally an adult. She had left a note to say she was leaving, so there was no danger or crime as far as the cops were concerned. They didn't understand. A whole week had passed now, and no leads whatsoever. It was as if Rory just evaporated or something.

"Hey," said Luke, approaching Lorelai with caution. "You, er..." he began as she looked up at him with teary eyes. "I'm sorry, I was gonna ask something stupid like 'Are you okay?' and obviously you're not, I know that, I... I'm sorry," he rambled some, reaching a hand to adjust his hat even though it required no adjustment.

Lorelai sniffed hard and tried for a smile that didn't really happen.

"No, I'm sorry," she told him, grabbing a napkin and blowing her nose. "I just... All I can think about is where she might be and why. What she's doing and why hasn't she called?" she shook her head sadly. "It's all so out-of-character. I mean this is Rory, _our_ Rory," she explained pointlessly, since of course Luke already knew that.

"Seems to me the out-of-character had started before she left town," he said in the lowest of low voices so even the very few patrons of the diner right now would never hear. "I mean, sleeping with Dean? After everything... and I mean, he's married!"

"I know," Lorelai nodded sadly. "I don't get it, I don't get any of it! I mean, it would've been crazy enough if she left with him, or if she stayed in Europe for the rest of her life. It would've been crazy, but I maybe could've wrapped my head around it," she sighed. "But this? Just running out, no clue where? I mean who the hell is there left in her life that we didn't call?"

Luke opened his mouth and then closed it again sharply. He had one idea, even though it would probably seem not just abhorrent but completely nutty to Lorelai. His own nephew, Jess, had been Rory's boyfriend too, somewhere between Dean and now. They had a connection, there was no denying it, and it wasn't so long ago Jess had confessed to Luke that he had told Rory he loved her. She probably didn't feel the same, if she had she would've left with Jess or begged him to stay, and she sure wouldn't have slept with Dean right after. It made no sense, but they had tried everyone else.

"I, er... I have an address, and a number that might still be in service," he said awkwardly. "For Jess."

"No," Lorelai shook her head definitely. "No, Rory would never go to him, not after everything. She wouldn't even know where to go if she wanted to, and she wouldn't. Ever!"

Luke didn't take offence. He knew how much Jess had hurt Rory in the past, and he was as mad about that as anyone. At the same time, he knew his nephew's issues caused by Liz and Jimmy and all, they were the reasons he was a bad boyfriend. It wasn't really his fault he turned out emotionally awkward. Luke was hardly the greatest role model for that himself.

"Actually," he said slowly, hardly daring to meet Lorelai's suddenly harsh gaze. "Rory would know where to find Jess if she wanted to," he admitted. "Jess asked me to give her his details, just in case..."

He shrugged, leaving the sentence hanging there. Luke wasn't being deliberately cryptic. He had repeated exactly what Jess said when he made Luke promise to pass on the address and number. _Just in case_. In case of what, he couldn't possibly guess in the circumstances, but he did as he was asked, figuring it could never do any real harm.

Lorelai looked thoughtful for a long moment, because that's how she was feeling. Would Rory run to Jess? She couldn't imagine it, but then she couldn't ever imagine a day when her daughter would run from her without any real explanation. Times they were a-changing of late, and for the most part, not in ways that Lorelai much cared for. Some things never changed. Rory had proven she still loved Dean when she slept with him, proved she didn't want Jess when she let him leave town without protest. That was how Lorelai saw things, perhaps because it was the most convenient way for her to do so.

"Doesn't matter," she said definitely then. "She wouldn't go to him, and I don't want you calling and telling him what's happening, Luke. I really don't."

"Okay," Luke nodded easily. "I promise, I won't call Jess. At least, not about Rory," he said, with a definite sweep of his hand.

Lorelai was probably right, Rory wouldn't run to Jess anyhow. Of all the people in the world, she would never.

* * *

It was late in the afternoon. Rory and Jess hadn't really gotten out of bed yet, not officially. He hopped out to grab the phone and order take out he couldn't really afford, and they'd both made separate mad dashes to the bathroom wearing as little as they could manage without embarrassing themselves in the hallway. It was never long before they were back in bed curled up together, enjoying the fact it was a sunny Sunday in New York, and that they were so completely happy and in love.

Rory knew what she said before about staying here in this moment forever was impractical and childish, but it was a nice dream for as long as it could last. It had taken so long for her to realise that Jess was the only guy she ever truly wanted. Now she did know, now they were here, making love and lazing the day away in comfortable silence for the most part. There was no other place she could ever imaging wanting to be.

Jess was reading aloud to her right now, and Rory was dozing on his chest, one hand playing with the edges of the comforter that didn't quite cover their bodies. She had been listening intently to start off with, but now her mind was wandering. She recalled days spent in her room, or the diner apartment, even out on the bridge, when they would read together, or silently in each others company. It took her thoughts back to Stars Hollow all too easily, and that made her happy and sad all at the same time.

Rory thought of her mother, and how freaked out Lorelai must be right about now. Jess never suggested she call her or anything, though Rory was sure the thought occurred to him. As much as he tried to pretend he cared for nothing in Stars Hollow but her alone, Rory knew Jess wondered how Luke was doing. He had asked in a round about way and Rory was happy to tell him things were fine. She wasn't sure how he'd take it when she revealed his Uncle was dating her Mom now. It was just a little suprising when he had laughed and declared 'finally!'. After all, that was how Rory felt herself.

Calling her Mom ought to be a priority for Rory, she knew that now. She'd known it in some form or other since she got here, but a night in Jess' arms had only made her more sure that she needed Lorelai to now where she was. They had long talks about sex, about Rory telling her Mom before experiencing her first time. Of course, that hadn't worked out so well. This was better, this was the kind of night that Rory wanted to share with her best girl-friend who was also her mother, but she couldn't.

"Hey," Jess said softly, pushing Rory's hair back off her face. "Why do I think you haven't heard a word of this chapter?" he checked, just as smart and observant as ever.

"Because I haven't?" she admitted, looking guiltily up at him. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," he promised. "But if there's something on your mind..."

"There's not," she lied. "There is," she admitted in a second, knowing he'd see through it anyway. "I just... I was thinking about how I left, how my Mom is probably freaking out," she told him, pulling herself up to lay beside him where it was easier to talk.

Jess abandoned the book onto the floor and turned onto his side to face her, his head propped up on his hand. She was struggling with this, he knew. The last few days, he daren't really mention Lorelai for fear of the reaction he'd get. Something more happened than just Rory and Dean making a mistake. Lorelai wouldn't have taken it well, Jess was pretty sure on that, and he had to assume the Gilmore girls had some kind of epic fight which had been a much bigger part of Rory's running out on Stars Hollow than she was originally willing to admit. Now it seemed he was going to get the truth of the matter.

"I went to Europe with Grandma to get away," she sighed, looking guilty as Rory was wont to do about a lot of things. "I thought it'd help, but it didn't. Getting away from my Mom judging me... it couldn't help, because I was judging me too," she admitted. "I knew what I did was wrong. I knew, and I couldn't stand it, because... because there was no taking it back."

She was going to cry again, Jess knew it and he couldn't stand it. His hand cupped her cheek and pulled her closer. He kissed her lips and let his fingers wander through her hair.

"Everybody makes mistakes, Ror," he reminded her what she already had to know. "My first time wasn't exactly the best of experiences either, and I know you're gonna say it's different, 'cause I'm a guy," he rolled his eyes. "But, honestly? I... I kinda wish I waited for you, y'know?"

"That's sweet," she told him, even though she knew he'd probably hate that.

Guys didn't want to be told they were sweet or cute or adorable. For them it was about being cool and manly. Still, Jess didn't argue with her compliment, he only smiled.

"Yeah, well, all I'm saying is, things don't always work out perfectly," he explained. "You and me, we know that better than anyone."

"But things can also figure themselves out in the end," she smiled. "We sure know that's true," she grinned, taking her turn at kissing him this time.

She pushed herself closer and didn't protest at all as he pulled her on top of his body, getting lost in another passionate embrace. Some things just felt too good to let common sense ruin them, and so the moment went on and on. It only broke when Jess realised he was getting wet, tears from Rory's eyes falling onto his chest.

"Hey, what's this?" he asked with a genuine frown - he had not seen that coming.

"Nothing," she sniffled, pulling back and wiping a hand across her face. "I don't know, I just... I'm so happy here with you, and the one person I want to talk to about it, I can't," she shrugged.

Jess knew they were back to Lorelai. As much as he and Rory's Mom never really got along, he knew how close the two of them were, and what their friendship meant.

"Call her," he advised. "Honestly, it's cool. I can go out if you want..."

"No," Rory said definitely, shaking her head and refusing to let him get away when he tried to leave the bed. "No, not right now," she insisted. "I can't. I just want today to be us, like it was before I let my brain start thinking again."

"Ah, yes, that stupid thinking thing that you do," he replied sarcastically, happily letting her back into his arms and hugging her tight, her head under his chin.

"It is stupid," she agreed. "Who needs to think anyway?"

"Not us, that's for sure," Jess deadpanned, kissing the top of her head. "Maybe if you get some sleep, you'll feel better," he advised.

Rory nodded against his chest, and let out a little sigh as she settled comfortably against him. Jess just lay there listening to her breathe, knowing after a while that she had indeed fallen asleep. He would do the same if he could, but it was never going to happen. As happy as he was to be here with Rory like this, it couldn't last forever. She missed her Mom already, she would miss more people and places and familiarities soon. If she wanted to head back to Stars Hollow eventually, Jess had no idea if he could stand to go with her, and yet watching her walk away now, after everything, it might just kill him. For now, he just held on tight to the woman of his dreams and hoped for a happy ending he couldn't really bring himself to believe in.

_To Be Continued..._


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: Appreciating all the love for this fic - thank you all! Here comes more Literati and then the next twist! ;)**

_**(For disclaimer, etc. - see Prologue)**_

Chapter 4

Rory Gilmore was happy. It was a strange sensation that almost made her feel just as guilty as she was cheerful, but she couldn't say she was sorry for it. Running away from Stars Hollow, from her family and friends, she had regretted it at first, thought she had done this terrible thing. Now, after three weeks away, she knew she had made the right decision in coming here. It stopped feeling like she had run away when she finally admitted to Jess that she loved him, that she had always loved him. Now it genuinely felt as if she had been running to something, to someone, and right now, Rory had no intention of being anywhere else.

She had called her mother the day after her conversation with Jess on the topic. It was cowardly, she knew, to wait until she was positive Lorelai would be out and just leave a message on the answering machine, but Rory wasn't in a place where she could have a serious talk with her mother right now.

She was still ashamed of what happened with Dean, and in Europe, and with her Mom too. There was no good explanation to give, and there was certainly no good way to tell Lorelai that she was back together with Jess. Rory felt that conversation probably ought to be face to face anyhow.

The message she left was short, if not sweet. She apologised for running away like a kid and assured her mother she was safe and well. She ended with 'I'll see you soon' and flinched a little at her own words. Soon was a relative term. Rory knew when she used it her Mom would assume a few days, maybe a week. It had already been two weeks since she left that message, and so far Rory couldn't imagine making the trip back to Stars Hollow.

It was easy to forget most of the time, or at least to put it all out of her head. Being here with Jess was kind of like kids playing house, but somewhat more serious. They were young and in love, and this Summer was allowing them a little freedom to get to know each other all over again and in a new way. Jess still had to work, and his three jobs sure took up a lot of his time. Rory knew by now that some of his shifts were at night, and had made him promise not to give them up or trade them for her sake. He made a big deal about leaving her alone in the apartment when it was dark out, but she told him that was a dumb excuse not to earn the money they both knew he needed. She made promises about keeping the door bolted and not answering if anyone knocked. She swore that she would run to Mrs Rossini if anything bothered her or seemed to be wrong. After all that, Jess had given in, only because he had to. Sure, Rory was tougher than she looked, but more than that, he really did have to keep these jobs of his if he wanted to keep living in his apartment and paying the bills.

It had taken several days for Rory to get bored and crave work herself. Lazing around the apartment alone was okay for a while. She worked her way through the few books of her own she had brought with her, and then a whole stack that Jess had stashed in the apartment. There was time spent with Mrs Rossini, and she even tried her hand at cleaning and tidying in the small dingy apartment. After all this, she realised maybe it would be good if she had a job too, even a part time one, to help with the bills and keep herself busy. She asked Jess about it when he got home late that night, but he was too tired to discuss it and they had just fallen asleep together, promising to talk about it another time. Rory didn't argue, because it just wasn't important. She could get papers some time and check the 'help wanted' section, Jess would help, it would be fine. Honestly, she was just so happy that he didn't freak out at the idea of her getting some kind of job here. Rory would so hate to start fighting when they were currently so stupidly happy.

When Jess was home, they were the picture of loved-up bliss. Short conversations about work segued into what she had been reading, and nine times out of ten, kissing took over and they ended up in bed. Young love was a beautiful thing, like the songs and the poems often said. Rory never realised it could be quite like this and she told Jess as much just yesterday as they laid together in the half-light.

"I guess we just got lucky," he told her, kissing her forehead as his fingers continued to run through her hair.

He sounded wrong, off somehow, and Rory couldn't think why. Jess got thoughtful at times, and she was used to that. He'd been that way since they met, and she had learnt not to question it. In the end, he usually told her what was up, or he simply got over it. Sure, he had run out on her a couple of times but he always came back, and after all these years, all they'd been through, Rory hoped he understood that there was nothing he had to hide from her anymore. Just in case, she decided to make it very clear.

"You still want me here, right?" she checked, pulling herself up so their faces were level on the pillow.

He stared at her for a long moment, his hand moving to trace the curve of her face, her neck, her shoulder. She wondered if he was ever going to answer her when suddenly his lips quirked into a smile and he spoke.

"I want you here," he promised. "There's never been anyone or anything else I wanted as much."

She smiled too when she heard that, even if he couldn't seem to hold her gaze for the whole confession. It wasn't because he didn't mean it, Rory knew that. He felt dumb, unsure of himself, maybe. Jess was quite the enigma. All cocky and smart-mouthed when he was sounding off about books or music, telling people how stupid they were being. When it came to anything real, emotions and the truth of his feelings, he struggled terribly, as if he expected someone to laugh at him or tell him he was stupid or wrong for what he was saying. She hated that his upbringing had done that to him.

"Hey," she said, putting a hand to his cheek and making him look. "I want to be here too," she assured him.

"For how long?" he asked too seriously, watching Rory's smile fade.

It was a conversation they had both been avoiding. For two weeks they had skirted around the issue of how long she would be here, what happened when the Summer ended and a new school year began? Yale were expecting Rory for the Sophomore year and she hadn't said she dropped out yet, just that she needed to get away. She hadn't asked Jess to go back to Stars Hollow with her, hadn't even said if she would be going herself. Though he was loathe to admit it, even to himself, up until now Jess had been too afraid to ask her.

"Jess..." she sighed, rolling onto her back and staring at the ceiling.

Rory didn't want to have to think about what came next. Living in this bubble of love and happiness, a world away from what she knew, Rory was content. It was only late June, meaning she was officially free for at least another three months before she had to consider Yale, Stars Hollow, the place that had seemed like her only real home, until now.

Jess took her apparent change in mood as a bad sign. Rory was the talker, always. He was the moody, silent type, the one that ran away from complication or trouble. Now suddenly he wanted to have a serious discussion about their relationship and she was the one turning away. Hell, she was the one that literally ran from her home, doing an awfully good impression of him not so long ago. Maybe they were even more alike than anyone could ever guess.

"I gotta go to work," he muttered, shifting to get out of bed.

Rory glanced over and watched him get dressed, his back to her the entire time. She didn't want to make him mad or hurt him, not Jess, of all people. He had a right to ask what happened next with them, but she simply didn't have an answer. She didn't want this Summer to end and yet she knew it must. Trying to mesh this life with what she had before seemed impossible. The best of both words weren't necessarily going to go hand in hand this time. Rory hated tough choices. Somehow making a pro-con list seemed wrong, especially without her Mom to help her.

"I'm sorry," she told Jess as he buttoned his shirt. "Jess, please!" she tried again when he didn't respond, clambering across the bed to reach out for him.

She was on her knees behind him, wrapping her arms around his body and planting kisses on his back. Jess closed his eyes, trying not to give in just because she was touching him. It was impossible. He loved her too much to let something so stupid force them apart again. He should live in the moment and enjoy what they had now for as long as they had it. Screw what came later, it shouldn't matter. He told Rory she could depend on him now, and it was hardly proving the point if he forced her to make decisions she wasn't ready for, thinking of ultimatums he could put forward.

"Please don't leave when you're all mad at me," she whispered, sounding so sad, Jess felt his heart breaking in his chest.

"I'm not mad," he told her, turning around at last, struck as he always was by the beauty and wonder of her naked form in his bed.

He captured her lips and pulled her closer, knowing how good it would feel just to give in right now. The problem was he had work to get to, and he was already a little later in leaving than he should be. Jess had Rory laid down on the bed again before he forced himself to pull away. Her arms locked around his neck stopped him going too far.

"You're not mad?" she doubled checked, pushing his hair back out of his eyes for him.

"Not mad," he promised, planting one last kiss on her lips and another on her nose for good measure before he forcibly disentangled himself from her arms.

"You sure you wanna leave?" she smiled, practically striking a pose that would be capable of sending many a man crazy.

"Nope," Jess told her definitely, smirking at her gall. "But no work means no pay, and I've got a lady to keep to the standard of life she has become accustomed," he said, as he fastened his watch on his wrist. "Coffee and junk food doesn't buy itself, sweetheart, we gotta have money."

"Yes, I heard that," she nodded, pulling the covers up over her body, but staying comfortably in bed. "In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women," she smirked, glad to see his smile back because he knew what movie she was quoting - that was one of a hundred things she loved about him.

"Do you know how hot you are when you quote De Niro?" he asked her, making her giggle. "Of course, I'm pretty sure I've got the woman either way," he said, leaning over to kiss her one last time before he really had to go. "Get some sleep," he told her, as he pulled on his jacket and left at last.

Rory was still smiling even after he was gone. The bed still smelled of him, and though she could never be as warm and comfortable as when Jess was here with her, she still felt happy and content enough to do as he advised, and get some rest.

* * *

Rory woke up sweating and feeling strange. There may have been a nightmare, but she wasn't really sure. She sat up fast, groping around for her watch. In the dim light she could make out that it was early in the morning, a little past two as far as she could tell. That would explain why it was still dark out, and why Jess wasn't home yet.

Her stomach lurched when she moved at all, a terrible feeling of heat rising in the back of her throat. Rory leapt out of bed, threw on the nearest clothes and bolted for the door. Her fingers fumbled with the locks and she barely made it into the communal bathroom before she threw up spectacularly. Tears came to her eyes and began to pour down her cheeks as her stomach emptied itself into the toilet. She didn't even think about trying not to make noise or worry about anyone finding her, half-dressed in the middle of the night. Thankfully, nobody came to disturb her.

Rory flushed the toilet, dragged herself to her feet and washed her hands and face at the basin. She was shaking like crazy, a combination of the cold and the sickness, as well as leaping out of bed so fast, she supposed. It took all her strength to get back on her feet and even think about heading back to the apartment. Her head hurt, her stomach twisted into knots with every movement, and if it weren't for the fact she was pretty sure she was empty already, Rory would worry she was going to hurl again.

Staggering out into the hall, she had just reached the apartment door when she realised it had closed behind her, with the keys inside.

"No, no, no!"

She began to curse, slamming her hand pointlessly against the door.

Shaking and shivering still, and very aware of the unsavoury neighbours when she heard voices yelling beyond their doors, Rory pulled Jess' shirt tighter around her quaking frame and headed for the stairs. She swallowed hard as she descended to the lower floor and took herself along to Mrs Rossini's place. She knocked quietly but firmly, a little surprised that it had worked so easy when she heard movement inside. There was a scraping sound, and Rory didn't doubt Mrs R was looking out through the spy hole, checking who was there, after all, it was two in the morning.

"Mamma mia!" she suddenly gasped, opening the door and reaching for the young woman just in time.

Poor Rory passed out straight into the old lady's arms without a word spoken.

_To Be Continued..._


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N: What's wrong with Rory? Read on and find out! :)**

_**(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)**_

Chapter 5

Rory woke up with an ache in her back and the most disgusting taste on her tongue. It took a few moments for her to remember what had happened, and a minute more to figure out where she was exactly. There had been running and puking, that was coming back to her in vivid Technicolor that she kind of wished she could get rid of, truth be told. She sat up very gingerly, knowing immediately she was in Mrs Rossini's apartment. It was just the one room like Jess' but filled with all kinds of knick-knacks and trinkets, stored up over way more years than Rory could count right now, since her head was still pretty dizzy.

"Oh, Rory, my dear," the little Italian woman herself exclaimed, the moment she realised her young friend was awake. "You gave me a fright, honey, don't you do that again!"

She looked different, Rory noticed, dressed in an oversized robe, with curlers in her hair. Even though she already knew Mrs Rossini had to be pretty aged, she looked older at such a ridiculous hour of the night, all ready for bed. Rory was keeping an old lady from a good night's sleep, that made her feel bad, but the moment she considered getting off the couch and leaving, her body put in a protest vote.

"Ugh," she groaned, closing her eyes again a moment. "I feel... weird," she said after a moment's blurry thought.

"And you don't look much better," Mrs Rossini told her plainly, bringing over a glass of water for her to sip. "Now, sip slowly," she advised her 'patient'. "No use gulping it down, that'll just make it come back for a return visit too soon."

"Thank you," said Rory politely as she took the glass and dutifully sipped the cool drink. "I'm so sorry about this, I don't know what's wrong with me," she said, taking another dainty taste of her water. "I mean, I felt kind of weird yesterday morning... and the one before now that I think about it," she considered. "Kind of sick, but not? It's hard to explain. Then today it was just so sudden and I had to rush to the bathroom. It was... not pretty," she admitted, swallowing hard as she thought about it. "I went back to the apartment, but the door had shut, and Jess is working all night, so I came here and then... and then..."

"And then you passed out right into my arms," Mrs Rossini supplied helpfully as she took a seat by Rory's feet at the end of the couch. "Lucky you're just a little thing and I come from good strong stock, or you would've flattened me!" she declared, showing no real sign of annoyance in spite of everything.

"I'm so sorry, Mrs R," said Rory, still trying to take slow sips of her water - it was getting a little easier all the time.

"Now, that's enough apologies. If you're sick, you're sick," she said arranging the blanket from the back of the couch over her young guest's knees. "Of course, you and I both know its not just some bug you're carrying around, don't we?" she practically winked before getting up and wandering away to the little kitchen area.

Rory frowned, hard. Of course she was sick from a bug. There was only that or food poisoning, and that seemed unlikely. Sure, she and Jess ate a lot of take-out, but always from the same couple of places where they'd had no problems before. Besides, Rory was like her mother, she pretty much had an iron gut. What other reason was there to feel sick, especially in the mornings...

"Oh my God!" Rory suddenly gasped, feeling all the more nauseous as a realisation hit her.

She was doing math in her head and failing miserably at it, despite the fact she wasn't trying to count higher than four. Four weeks ago. She had been here almost three, so before that. Her mind raced as she realised she could count back at least six, maybe even seven weeks before she hit the occasion she was looking for. That was long before sex with Jess. In fact, that was before sex with Dean.

"Oh, no!" she gasped, letting her face fall into her hands.

Mrs Rossini came hurrying back, grabbing up the young woman in her arms and hugging her tight. She rubbed Rory's back and tried to bring comfort, berating herself in muttered Italian for being so foolish. Of course, this wasn't planned. The poor girl was terrified and so confused, even though she had to know what making love could sometimes mean for a woman.

"Oh, passerotta, ti prego, non piangere," Mrs Rossini was saying, and though Rory had no idea what it meant, she guessed it was something kind, designed to make her stop from crying.

Unfortunately, that didn't come easy. Rory couldn't be pregnant, that was crazy, and yet it suddenly seemed like a likely explanation. They had been so careful, her and Jess. Her and Dean too, even though she would prefer not to even consider how he might factor into this situation. Jess was going to lose it as it was, Rory was sure of that. He said she could depend on him now and she believed him, but this was so much more than either of them had expected.

For now, Rory couldn't even consider what to tell Jess or how to go about it. All she could do was cry her heart out in the arms of a kind old lady who just wanted to help her. It was comforting, but honestly, all Rory wanted right now was her Mom.

* * *

"Lorelai?" Luke called from the front door.

He had got into the habit of letting himself into the Gilmore house when the door was unlocked, and Lorelai didn't seem to mind at all. Of course, she usually appeared before he got very far into the living room, and if she didn't jump out from some corner or seat, she usually yelled that she'd be right there. As it was there was nothing, not a movement or a sound, at least not at first.

"Lorelai, are you upstairs?" he yelled up that way but got no reply, then he heard the awful sound.

Nothing was more unbearable than a woman in tears. Luke remembered as a kid seeing his mother cry and hating every second of it until the sadness was over. As much as Liz drove him crazy, watching his sister break down always broke Luke's heart too. It was no different with Lorelai, or with Rory for that matter. He felt their pain and he hated it. He knew before he reached the door of Rory's bedroom that he would find his girlfriend in tears. Luke also knew he would have no clue what to say or do to make it better.

Lorelai looked up as the door opened wider. She was sat on the edge of the bed, clinging on tight to a sweater belonging to her daughter. Rory had taken some clothes with her, but there were plenty left behind, so many books and personal items. Luke had to think she was missing her own stuff, her own room, and more than anything her mother. Saying so wasn't going to help right now. He had no clue of anything he could ever say to make it better, so he didn't try. Luke sat down on the bed next to Lorelai and put his arms around her when she shifted her weight and leaned into him.

"She turned into me," she sobbed into Luke's plaid-covered chest. "I tried to stop it happening, but I couldn't, and now it's too late."

"Hey, if Rory has turned out anything like you, I call that a good thing," said Luke definitely as he hugged her tighter. "You are a smart, successful, compassionate, beautiful woman. Rory wanted to be like you, I'm pretty sure she still does," he said definitely, even as Lorelai made a noise akin to scoffing at the very idea. "Hey, I'm serious," he said definitely, moving her body and making her look at him. "Lorelai, she made a mistake with Dean and she knows it. She ran out because... I don't know, because she feels stupid, and like she let you down, like she let herself down too, I guess," he reasoned. "When she gets over it, she'll be back, you two will patch things up, and everything will be okay again."

Lorelai wanted to believe that, of course she did, but it didn't come easy. Rory was a lot like her, and that was okay for the most part. A coffee-addiction, a love of old movies and junk food, none of that was so bad. They had a similar sense of humour and could only be out-talked by one another, which was kind of great actually. Lorelai just didn't want Rory to have the teenage years that she went through, didn't want her to hook up with the wrong guy or feel the need to run out on those that loved her.

"I still screwed up," she sniffed hard, gratefully accepting the handkercheif Luke put into her hands then. "I handled it wrong, the whole Dean situation... Even before that with Jess," she admitted, sadly shaking her head. "The one thing she needed me to be cool about and... and I just screwed it all up," she said, her arm smacking hard into her leg with frustration.

"You didn't screw up, Lorelai," Luke assured her, rubbing her arm as he pulled her closer and her head settled on his shoulder. "Okay, so neither of us were much use with Rory and Jess, but things have been okay since then. Rory's a good kid, and like I said, she just made one mistake. Give it a week or two, she'll realise the only place she wants to be is home with her Mom."

"It's already been three weeks," said Lorelai softly. "Three weeks of missing my baby girl, and all I got from her was one lousy message on the answering machine."

"Well, that's better than nothing," her boyfriend reminded her. "At least we know she's safe and sound somewhere... or that she was. She still is," he corrected himself twice before he was happy with what he said.

He wasn't helping, Luke knew he couldn't before he ever came into the room, but he was trying and that was all there was to do right now. Honestly, Lorelai would have to admit that just his presence here was helping. The part Luke played in her life, being closer now like they probably always should've been, it was a huge comfort.

They sat in comfortable silence for a long time, and Luke's mind started to wander. He was worried about Rory too, of course he was, but this whole situation was also making him think about Jess. He hadn't heard from his nephew in a while now. Last he called him, the phone was out of service, so Luke was forced to wait until Jess got back to him, probably with a new number, maybe even a new address. It was that or go to New York and see if he was still in the same place, just sans telephone.

Now wasn't a good time to leave Stars Hollow, not even for a day or a part of one. Lorelai needed him close by as much as possible, and Luke was happy to be here. Whatever she needed, he would always be there, this much he promised her again now as he held her tight and kissed the top of her head. It was all he could do.

* * *

Rory was pretty sure she never felt this freaked out by anything in her whole life. Getting into Chilton, getting into college, her first time having sex, all things that ought to be a big deal suddenly paled into insignificance. She might be pregnant, carrying a child inside of her. Well, not quite a child yet, but a something, a being that was part her and part another person. She felt giddy and sick and so terribly mixed up, and all she wanted to do was talk this out with Jess already. She was back in his apartment now, thanks to Mrs Rossini. Apparently, Jess and Mrs R swapped emergency keys a while back. Rory had never been so grateful that her boyfriend had learnt to trust someone, anyone in this place.

It was six in the morning. Jess wouldn't be home for another hour and Rory had been pacing to the point where she was surprised there wasn't a groove in the floorboards already. Mrs Rossini didn't want her to come home by herself, but Rory had insisted. She needed to talk to Jess alone, and it was okay, because she was feeling better. That's what she told the kindly neighbour that had really helped her out. The truth was, she didn't feel great. Not so much with the needing to throw up or pass out, but certainly not well at all. Some of it was probably still the supposed morning sickness, the rest she assumed was blind panic.

Rory checked her watch again. Barely five minutes had passed, that meant it was still almost an hour before Jess got back from Wal-Mart. There was no way she could keep on pacing and worrying that long. Rory would go nuts if she was forced to. She reached for her jacket and pulled it on, slipping her feet into her shoes too. She stopped then, considering her actions. Jess hated the idea of her being out alone, especially in the dark. The sun was up, it was well past dawn, he couldn't be too mad at her for heading out by herself. After all, she was headed towards him, that had to make it okay. Rory was still rationalising as she hurried down the stairs as fast as she dare go.

Jess had taken her to Wal-Mart a few times, to enjoy the privileges of the staff discount and pick out a few things she needed. The luggage she brought with her, some clothes and essentials, they only lasted so long. She was missing stuff she needed. It was only just now occurring to Rory that the feminine hygiene products she had surreptitiously bought remained unopened and untouched amongst her things at the apartment. Now she needed the drugstore area of Wal-Mart again, this time for a test to see if she really was pregnant.

Rory was in sight of the store when she realised what a bad idea this was. If she went inside, she wouldn't find Jess. He worked out back, driving the forklift like he had back home in Stars Hollow. She could wander around the store, maybe buy that pregnancy test she was thinking about, but that was all. _I'm such an idiot_, Rory thought to herself, now not knowing whether she was literally coming or going, or what she was meant to do next.

After five minutes of inner turmoil and arguing with herself, Rory trudged into the store with her arms folded across her chest. She looked left and right, figuring out her way and then headed in the general direction of the pharmaceuticals. She would look for what she needed, get the thing bought and hide it in her pocket. Then she could just hang out until she knew Jess would be done with work and position herself near the staff exit to meet him. He would wonder why she was here, and Rory wasn't sure yet exactly what she would tell him. Some variation on the truth, but not the whole of it until they got home. Maybe not even then. Maybe it was better to take the test first. No point freaking him out when there might be nothing to freak out over.

These thoughts circled around and around in her head the whole time she was in Wal-Mart and even more so when she was waiting by the door for Jess to emerge. When he finally stepped out into the store proper and saw her there, a mixture of emotions crossed his face. He seemed happy to see her and yet concerned that she had come too. Rory tried to smile back at him when he greeted her, but almost immediately the panic rose in her throat and tears came to her eyes.

"I might be pregnant," she blurted out right there in the middle of Wal-Mart. "Jess, I... What are we going to do?"

_To Be Continued..._


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N: Well, the suggestion that Rory might be pregnant certainly got a reaction! lol Thank you for all the feedback. Now, what does Jess have to say about being a potential father...?**

_**(For disclaimer, etc. - see Prologue)**_

Chapter 6

Jess went into a state of shock around the moment Rory said the word 'pregnant'. He wasn't entirely sure what it felt like when a person had a stroke, but he'd guess pretty much like this. He couldn't speak, he couldn't move, truth be told he could barely think. _Pregnant_. This was not supposed to happen. Sure, he wanted Rory back in his life, more than anything. He thought they'd do the young and in love thing for a while before anything got too heavy. Jess never considered he was the settling down type, the kind of guy that wanted to get married, have kids, that whole thing. Of course, falling in love with Rory had certainly changed his outlook on life. Right now, he was pretty sure he'd go through anything just to be with her, to have whatever semblance of a happily ever after a person like him could strive for. Still, he had not been ready for this. _Pregnant_.

"C'mon," he said eventually, snapping out of a daze he never meant to fall into.

With his hand in the small of her back, Jess guided Rory through the store and out into the not-so-fresh air of New York City. They had to get home, right now that was priority one. They were not going to have this very serious conversation in the street, and certainly not in frickin' Wal-Mart of all places!

The city that never slept was bustling full with people. Jess let his hand move around to find Rory's own, determined as he was not going to lose her in the crowds. She wasn't talking, that in itself was scary as hell to Jess. Rory never stopped talking, never. Her yammering was adorable, he wouldn't deny, and he almost never tired of it, but the point was it was ever-present. The fact she was quiet just proved how very freaked out she was right now, and Jess could relate.

Rory was concentrating on not lagging behind as they moved through the streets. The apartment wasn't far, and she supposed it was best if they got back there before they talked about things. The pregnancy test tucked into her inside pocket felt like a lead weight, to match the one sat in the stomach right about now. Rory felt mean for thinking that, as if she were saying something bad about the baby that was potentially inside of her. This creation, if it existed, was a part of her, and an innocent, whether it was Jess' baby, or the alternative.

Swallowing hard, Rory looked up at the back of Jess' head and told herself it was okay. If she was pregnant, there was way more chance of it being her boyfriend's child than her literal _one_-time lover's baby. She and Dean were a one-night stand. She had lost count of how many times she and Jess had been together since she got here. The law of averages alone said it should be okay.

The building came into sight and Rory wasn't sure if that made her feel better or worse. It meant they were going to talk, that Jess was going to help her to stop freaking out, just like always. On the other hand, he was probably kind of freaked himself. Maybe he would be mad that she let this happen. Rory considered that fact and then got a little mad about it herself. _How dare he blame me? It takes two to tango, and to make a baby! _she thought to herself.

"Rory?" Jess prompted when she just stood on the doorstep apparently glaring at him - he had no idea what was causing that reaction.

Looking up and meeting his eyes, she seemed to snap out of whatever daze she had fallen into. She found a smile and Jess managed to return it, more out of instinct than anything else. Now didn't feel much like a time to smile. Maybe it should, after all, having a kid was a happy occasion for a lot of couples. Of course, most of those couples probably hadn't only just got back together less than a month ago. They probably weren't living hand to mouth. They probably had plans that went further than the end of the Summer.

Three flights of stairs passed quickly and slowly at the same time. Neither Rory nor Jess were willing to explain how they came to that conclusion, and yet they both had. Both reached for their key as they got to the door. Jess frowned.

"Oh, Mrs Rossini gave it to me," said Rory in explanation. "Um, the door closed when I ran to the bathroom and... she helped me out," she muttered.

Jess didn't want any further explanation right now, not out here in the hall most especially. A couple of the nefarious looking neighbours from upstairs crashed through the hallway, drunk as skunks with punctures in their forearms that Jess pretended not to see. He ushered Rory inside as fast he could, slamming the door behind the both of them. Now they had to talk, maybe the most serious conversation they'd ever had, and that included the one where he first told Rory he loved her (which he still did) and another where he told her she could depend on him now (that was still true, also).

"So..." he said, shifting awkwardly, hands going into the pockets of his faux-leather jacket.

"So..." she repeated.

It was oddly reminiscent of days gone by when they first got together, when a whole conversation could consist of a dozen 'hi's'. That seemed like a lifetime ago in this moment. Rory swallowed hard.

"Jess, I...I don't know how this happened," she said, wrapping her arms around herself as tears came to her eyes. "I mean obviously I know, but we, we were careful, every time, weren't we?" she checked, as if she just wasn't sure about anything anymore.

"We were," he nodded his confirmation. "But, er... y'know, you said you _might_ be," he recalled very clearly from the moment he spotted her outside the door in Wal-Mart. "You don't know for sure?"

"No," she shook her head in agreement. "Not for sure. I was sick, and Mrs R thought she knew why, and then I started to do the math, y'know, _the math_," she said pointedly, hoping that she didn't have to give anymore explanation than that. "It's been at least six weeks, maybe seven," she admitted.

Jess nodded that he understood. That wasn't normal, he knew that. It didn't automatically make Rory pregnant, but he could see why she would think so, and why Mrs Rossini might assume too. Now that he thought about it, Rory had mentioned feeling off-colour a couple of mornings. She got over it pretty fast and said she was fine, so he hadn't worried about it much. Now Jess was wondering what other symptoms they might have been ignoring when they were actually important.

"I wish I knew what to say right now," he thought aloud, running a hand back through his hair. "Rory, I never thought..."

"I know, me either," she cut in. "Like we said, always careful."

"Condoms aren't a hundred percent, I know that, everybody knows that."

"I didn't know that!"

"How did you not know that?"

"Hello! Virgin until a few weeks ago!"

They both stopped at that confession. Not the right words for it perhaps, considering Jess already knew that particular truth. He also knew he hadn't been Rory's first time. If he hadn't wanted to throw up before, he sure did now. If she was pregnant, it might be his kid, but at the same time, it might not.

"Forester," he ground out. "Oh, this gets better!"

The laugh that escaped his throat was pained and hollow. Rory couldn't hold the tears in any longer. She rushed towards him and stopped with their toes practically touching.

"Jess, please," she urged him, putting her hands to the back of his head and neck, making him meet his eyes. "I know it's overwhelming, believe me, I know, but I need you not to freak out, because I'm already really, _really_ freaking out, and I know it's unfair to expect you to be the strong one, but I can't... I just can't..."

The sobbing started and words failed her. Rory had been holding it all in until this moment, determined she had to be stronger than she felt. Jess felt awful as she cried into his chest. He held her tight in is arms, rubbing her back, promising her it was all going to be okay. It was a dumb thing to do, because he couldn't really say for sure that everything would work out. Life would be beyond complicated if she was pregnant, if it was his child inside of her. If Dean had anything to do with this, well, Jess would love to say he was a good enough man to stand by Rory no matter what, but honestly? Right now, he wasn't so sure. It was a hell of a big ask to raise another man's child as your own... if there was a child at all.

"Rory, we gotta start from the beginning here," he said when her crying got down to a dull roar. "We need to get a test, check what the situation is, before either of us really freaks out about it."

It was awfully grown up and sensible of him to talk that way. Rory found a small smile coming to her lips even through the veil of tears in her eyes. Jess hated when he had to be all mature and upstanding, but he would do it, for her. He'd proved it a lot of times actually. For all his running out when things got rough, he had faced her grandmother with a black eye, he hadn't backed out of their relationship when Lorelai clearly hated him or the town disapproved. In the end, he had come back for Rory, told her he loved her, asked her to be with him. Now here they were, and they were so happy, or at least they had been these past three weeks. Rory didn't want it to all go to hell just because she might be pregnant. She also might not be.

"I bought a test at Wal-Mart," she admitted, sniffling as she brought her head up off his shoulder and met his eyes.

Jess nodded, letting go of her as she reached into her coat pocket and produced the box. Rory turned it over in her hands twice, just staring. She understood how these things worked, just like everybody did, whether you'd taken one before or not. It was pretty much pee on a stick and then wait for a line to appear, or a plus, or whatever the box specified. She started reading it carefully.

"So, apparently two blue lines means I am, and one means I'm not."

"Huh," Jess replied, leaning over to look at the words she was reading. "That simple."

"That simple," she agreed, making no real moves to actually go to the bathroom and take the test.

Jess wanted to give her a nudge already, but he couldn't do it. In a strange way, it was easier not knowing the truth. Ignorance was bliss, that's what they said, and yet he knew neither of them were going to get any rest until they knew for sure whether baby was about to make three.

"Rory..." he prompted when she hadn't moved for fully five minutes.

"I know," she replied, taking a deep breath and walking by him to the door.

Jess watched her go, running a hand over his face as the door clicked shut behind her. This was crazy, insane, about as ridiculous as any situation he'd ever been in, and there had been some doozies over the years. Rory might be pregnant, carrying his child, or Dean's child. It made his head swim and his heart jump up into the back of his throat. All those things he said about Rory being able to rely on him now, and he meant every word. He never expected this to happen. Maybe that was naive after all the time they'd spent in bed lately, but he just hadn't considered it, not now, not yet, not like this.

"So?" he asked the moment Rory let herself back into the apartment.

"We have to wait," she told him, swallowing hard.

They both sat down on the end of the bed, still as marble statues and feeling just about as cold. Rory held the white stick in her hand, staring intently at the small rectangle that would eventually bear a blue line or two. Jess fixed his eyes on the same spot a moment, then looked sideways at his girlfriend. He never saw her look so pale or so afraid in the whole time he knew her. Hs arm wrapped instinctively around her back, pulling her in close. Rory's head dropped onto Jess's shoulder but she couldn't relax. Her eyes remained on the result of the test, or at least where that result would soon appear, and she could feel that Jess was watching too.

The five minutes seemed like hours, maybe even days, and never were two people more concentrated on one spot for so very long. Little by little, the result started to appear. One blue line... and that was all.

"One line," said Rory in a small voice.

"One is for negative. Not pregnant, right?" asked Jess, equally as quiet as she was in his tone.

Rory didn't answer verbally, just nodded against his shoulder, then he felt her body convulse with a sob and she was crying again. Jess just held her tight, kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back to bring any kind of comfort he could.

It was weird, but he had a feeling this wasn't all relief for the negative result. He knew because he felt weird about it too, like tears were coming to his own eyes, like something had been snatched away. Jess wasn't ready to be a father, he wasn't sure if he ever truly would be. At the same time, there had been a little while there where he might've been, were he and Rory might've made something special with their love, something that was only theirs. It was strange to think that was gone, that it was all a mistake that never even existed.

Jess laid back down on the bed, pulling Rory with him. They lay there, curled up together, just letting the realisation of what had happened this morning wash over them. There was no baby, and it was a good thing in so many ways, and a sad thing in a few less obvious ones.

"I can still go to Yale," she mumbled, her face in his shirt. "We can be free to do whatever we want, it's... it's a good thing, right?"

"Yeah, it's good," he muttered his reply, hugging her closer still.

They shouldn't be in anyway disappointed by the fact they weren't about to be parents, and yet it seemed as if they were both feeling the same way about it. Such an odd mix of relief and pain could never properly be explained, and Jess had twice as many reasons to feel hurt. Rory still planned to go to Yale, which meant going back to Stars Hollow, he had no doubt. Jess made it clear before that they couldn't build a life together there, he just wasn't supposed to be in that place. Rory planned to leave, it had to mean that, and Jess hated knowing it. Right now, he couldn't bear to bring it up. He just held onto her a while longer, whilst he had the chance to keep her close. He should know by now that even when his dreams did come true, it was never destined to last long.

_To Be Continued..._


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N: Seems all my reader peops were right there on the edge of their seat with Rory & Jess for the results of that pregnancy test! Negative is what it said, yes indeed. Now, what next?**

_**(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)**_

Chapter 7

Life felt different here. At first that was a good thing. Rory actually liked being away from Stars Hollow, especially since she was with Jess. It was almost as if she wasn't supposed to be anywhere else, like this was where she belonged. Of course, there were times when she missed home terribly, mostly on occasions when something happened that she really wanted to tell her mom about. It was true enough that she could call her, but Rory just couldn't face it. She felt like such a fool for what happened with Dean, so guilty for running out the way she had, and now so conflicted about her relationship with Jess.

Lorelai wouldn't understand, Rory was sure on that, and so she kept her distance, acting like it was all normal and okay, but it wasn't. These last two weeks had been different, ever since the morning when she suspected she might be pregnant. The test said no, and that made Rory feel so relieved and at the same time weirdly disappointed. She got the impression Jess felt the same in a way, but they didn't really talk about it.

They didn't talk about anything much that mattered anymore, just books and movies, music and work. She had a job now that gave her tales to tell, but things just weren't quite as comfortable as before. The coffee shop was situated about halfway between the apartment and Wal-Mart so Jess would often walk Rory to or from her place of work, sometimes both, depending on his own shift pattern. It was fun being amongst new people and making coffee all day, especially since the boss didn't seem to mind how much caffeine his staff consumed during their work time. Something about it being good advertising if the help were enjoying the beverages too. Rory was in her element. She started out clearing tables and making the simple drinks. She was still slow, after just two weeks she was going to be, but the names of the coffees came easy and she picked up the machines pretty easy too. She loved it most days.

"You sure you're okay?" asked Jess when she came home early from her shift a couple of days ago.

"Yes, I am fine. I said I'm fine!" she snapped at him, immediately regretting it.

She just felt snappy lately. A part of Rory blamed herself for being in a situation where she couldn't seem to find enough happiness. The other part blamed Jess for being extra quiet and distant lately.

"Rory, c'mon," he urged her, right behind her when she turned around. "Your job doesn't send you home if you're fine."

"I felt kind of sick and woozy is all," she huffed, folding her arms over her chest. "I swear, I'm fine, I just... I'm tired, that's all it is," she assured him.

Jess wanted to believe her, he did actually. Rory wasn't sleeping right. He knew because he wasn't either. The nights when he wasn't working, he laid awake anyway, the same few thoughts going around and around in his mind. He didn't like Rory working, but he knew she had to if they were going to keep the apartment and the amenities, plus eat and do laundry. Her job was the least of his worries though.

Jess couldn't help wondering where all this was going, him and Rory. They were in love, that was for sure, he knew he loved her and he believed she felt the same. Rory didn't lie, not to him, not when it mattered. What they had was real enough, but that didn't mean that they could last in the long run.

They avoided talking about what happened when the Summer was over. She had Yale to go back to, and he understood that. Rory was the academic with big dreams for the future that Jess never had for himself. He wanted her to have everything, but at the same time, he wanted her to be with him. There didn't seem to be a way where they would both be happy that didn't lead to one resenting the other in some way.

It was one of these nights when Jess couldn't sleep that he got up and called Luke. It was barely four thirty in the morning, but he knew his uncle would be up, he always was at that time. They hadn't talked since before Rory arrived, mostly because Jess didn't want to have to lie to his uncle about where she was. No doubt Luke would bring her up in conversation, he always did, and her going missing would be a hell of a big deal. The chances were pretty good that Luke would never assume Rory was with Jess, but if he did ask, he didn't want to have to lie and say he hadn't seen her when she was lying there asleep in his bed.

"Sorry about not calling sooner," he apologised to his uncle. "I, er... I had a landline when I moved in, but there were problems. I finally broke down and bought a cell, so this should be a pretty permanent number, at least for a while," he explained, reeling off the digits as Luke wrote them down.

"Well, it's good to hear your voice, Jess. I mean it," he told him, making his nephew smile in spite of himself. "Things have been pretty crazy here lately and... Well, I'm just glad you called."

It made Jess frown a little that Luke seemed to be talking around the Rory issue. She had told him that Lorelai and Luke were finally dating, which meant his uncle was smack dab in the middle of the drama. It made no sense for Rory's name to never come up. That wasn't normal for any of their conversations on a normal day, nevermind now.

Luke asked about Jess' work, if he needed any extra cash, that kind of thing. Jess asked about the diner, if business was good. It was almost a pointless conversation, fairly impersonal and dull, but it mattered to the two guys actually talking. They were checking in which each other, letting one another know they were still there, and it all still mattered. There wasn't much love lost between Jess and Liz, and though he had made his peace with Jimmy, he would never really look at him and see a father. Luke was his family, the only guy that ever cared enough to even try and look out for him. That mattered.

"Look, Luke, I gotta go," said Jess when he saw Rory stirring in the bed. "You, er, take care or whatever, y'know?" he said awkwardly, the way it always was when one of these calls ended.

"Will do. You too, Jess," his uncle replied, and then they both hung up.

Rory sat up and ran a hand over her face.

"That was Luke?" she checked, a small degree of panic in her voice.

"Relax, he didn't ask about you, and I didn't mention you either," he said, snapping the cell shut with a too loud click somehow.

He barely looked at her and Rory hated that. Things just weren't good anymore, not like they had been. The pregnancy scare kind of put a dampener on the sex for a while. They still did it, but not as much and it didn't feel quite the same. Jess was so moody, and not just the way he had been in Stars Hollow years ago. That was a general front that he showed the world, he had always been different with Rory. Now she was getting the cold shoulder, and it hurt.

"Jess, would you just tell me what's going on?" she asked him, turning to follow his movement as he went into the kitchen area.

"I'm making coffee, you want?" he asked, letting her question slide by as if never asked. "I'm sorry, did I just ask a Gilmore girl if she wanted coffee? I must be having a seizure or something," he muttered, putting two mugs into the counter.

"Jess, do not do this to me!" said Rory crossly, hopping out of bed and striding over to him, all barefoot and indigent. "Do not keep ignoring the issue, and there is an issue here, I know there is."

"Yeah, well, not for much longer, right?" he said, still not looking her way at all, even as she hovered mere inches from him in her skimpy nightwear. "How many weeks is it now until school starts again? Until we segue from Love is A Many Splendored thing into a rousing chorus of Summer Lovin'?"

Rory frowned hard but didn't say a word. She got the reference, and she knew now what Jess' problem was. Unfortunately, it was something that had been worrying her too, if she were honest. It was an issue they were going to have a tough time overcoming to everyone's satisfaction.

"I don't know," she muttered, looking at her own cold toes on the cracked flooring. "I've been trying not to think about the end while we're still in the middle... Jess?" she urged him to look at her, her hand going to his arm and pulling.

"So, I'm not worrying for nothing here?" he checked, finally meeting her eyes. "It's gonna end, when Yale's back in session?"

The pain in his eyes matched what Rory felt inside. It made her want to cry but she tried her best to keep it in. Lately, a lot of things made her emotional. She blamed the pregnancy scare and the being away from home; she put it down to Jess' moods and her messed up sleep patterns. Right now, she knew it was just because her heart was breaking by degrees.

"I don't want this to end," she promised him, grabbing onto his arm with both hands, bouncing a little in her desperate attempt to prove her enthusiasm. "Jess, you... you're all I ever wanted in a guy. Deep down, I always knew it. Now we're finally together and it's perfect, and I don't want to think about reality or where my life is going. I just want to be with you and wish the world away for as long as we can."

Her arms were up around his neck now as she pulled him closer, trying to make him see that her way of dealing with this rotten situation was best. Jess couldn't be convinced. Though his hands went to her waist and he looked down at her with affection enough, he couldn't let go of his fears about the ending that came later.

"Y'know, I was doing okay," he told her. "I kept thinking like you, thinking don't worry about the future right now, enjoy what you have while you have it," he explained. "But, Rory, the world isn't going to stop turning. You still want Yale and a career, and you should want that," he assured her that he understood, "but you're gonna need to go home to do that, and that place, Stars Hollow, it's not for me."

Rory swallowed hard, the emotion rising thick in her throat. She hated this, as much now as she had in her dorm room at Yale when Jess asked her to run away with him and she had been so very tempted. In the end, she couldn't do it, because he was right, she wanted Yale and her journalism career. She wanted Stars Hollow and Hartford, her Mom, her grandparents, Luke, Lane, all the people and places that were her home. As much as she loved Jess, and she truly did, to give up her whole life, her family, her plans just for him, it felt like too big a sacrifice somehow.

"You can't give up your life for me, Rory. I never should've asked you to," said Jess, as kind and sweet as he had ever been, and it broke her heart to hear. "I know you have to go back, but I can't help it that it kills me to even think about you being gone."

She couldn't speak, she physically couldn't. All she could think to do was kiss the man she loved until the world went away. She pushed further into Jess' arms and pressed her lips to his, tasting her own tears as they streaked down her face. It shouldn't have to be a choice, their lives as they liked them, or the love they shared, but Rory understood. Asking Jess to go back to Stars Hollow would lead to him hating her for it. If she stayed, she would come to hate him for keeping her from her own world. There were no good choices here, not one.

The couple parted when the kettle whistled to say the water was boiled. It was agony to part and yet a relief at the same time. It was going to be sweet torture from now to the day Rory left. It made her want to go now, just to make it easier, but facing home still scared her, and leaving Jess was just too hard to even think of right in this moment.

"Go back to bed," he said quietly, releasing her from his arms. "I'll bring the coffee over."

Rory nodded that she had heard and wandered away. Jess busied himself with the drinks for all of a few seconds before he heard the dull thud of something hitting the ground. It was too loud for a book, which was the usual thing that wound up hitting the floor when they got dropped off the bed or similar. Immediately, Jess knew what had happened and he panicked.

"Rory!" he rushed over to her lifeless form on the floor by the bed. "Rory, c'mon. Don't do this to me!" he urged her, gently tapping her face, checking her all over for any sign she had hurt herself.

She looked fine, just completely asleep. Right when Jess was considering calling an ambulance or something, Rory stirred.

"Ugh, what happened?" she asked sleepily as she tried to sit up.

Jess assisted, setting her back against the bed so she was at least a little comfortable.

"Pretty sure you passed out," he told her gently, pushing her hair back off her face. "You feel okay now?"

"I don't know," Rory frowned a little. "A little woozy still. I can't believe this happened again."

"Again?"

"Well, I passed out on Mrs R that day when... And since then, I just get tired and... and kinda wobbly sometimes."

The explanation of it all was only making Jess worry more. They had both assumed her symptoms might be pregnancy so Rory took a test. When it was negative, they never even thought about what else might've caused her to be sick or dizzy. Maybe they should've.

"Okay, we need to get you up, get some clothes on you," he said, reaching out to put his arms around Rory and lift her up onto the bed.

"Why? I just wanna sleep, Jess, I'll be fine," she insisted, trying to pull the comforter up over her, but he wouldn't let her have it.

"Rory, you have to see a doctor," he insisted. "This has been going on too long, we can't just ignore it. I can't."

She opened her eyes more fully and met his own panicked gaze. He was right, she knew it. It was likely she was just over-tired, stressed, whatever, but Jess was right, it probably would be better to have a professional opinion. She really hadn't felt right for a long time now. Better to be checked out and given the all clear than carry on and get more and more sick.

"Okay," she agreed eventually. "We'll go see a doctor... at five in the morning?" she checked a moment later as she spotted the time.

Jess actually smiled, in spite of the panic, when he saw her wide-eyed expression. Never mess with a Gilmore girl in the small hours, he knew that, but this was too important to ignore. He was getting Rory to a hospital to be checked out and that's all there was to it. So long as he didn't have to think too much about what might be wrong with her and how it would effect those big decisions they were making about the future before, he'd be just fine.

_To Be Continued..._


End file.
